People with ADHD understand the small stuff that never makes it into a textbook. Standing in front of an open fridge with no idea why you opened it. Losing your phone while you’re talking on it. If you nod at all thirteen of these, welcome. You’re among friends, and none of us remember how we got here.
I was undiagnosed until my mid-20s, in grad school, so I spent a long time thinking these were personal flaws. Turns out a lot of you have the same flaws. We should start a club. We’d never meet on time.
What are the things only people with ADHD understand?
1. The fridge stare
You open the fridge. You came here for something. Nothing in there is talking to you, and you’re standing there anyway, letting the cold air out, waiting for your brain to send the memo. Then you close it, walk away and remember three seconds later. It was butter. It’s always butter.
2. Time is a vibe
“Five minutes” is a feeling. So is “I’m almost there.” Ten minutes until you have to leave and two hours until you have to leave feel exactly the same, right up until they don’t.
3. Looking for the phone you are holding
You check the couch. You check your bag. You check the fridge, because see number 1. You call it from another phone, and it starts ringing in your hand. You will laugh about it, and you will do it again on Thursday.
4. Forty tabs, one song playing somewhere
Music is coming out of your laptop and you have no idea which tab it lives in. You close the wrong six. The song keeps going. At this point it’s paying rent.
5. The text you answered in your head
You read it. You thought of a great reply. You said the great reply out loud in the shower. You never sent it. To you, the conversation is over and it went really well. To them, you’ve been missing for nine days.
6. Hyperfocus at the worst possible hour
You sit down at 9 p.m. to answer one email. You look up and it’s 2 a.m., the email is still not answered, and you now know the whole history of lighthouses. You didn’t plan on lighthouses. Nobody plans on lighthouses.
7. The leaving-the-house loop
Keys, phone, wallet, door. Back inside for the charger. Back inside again to check the stove you didn’t use. Halfway to the car you pat every pocket like you’re being searched at the airport. Then you go back for the keys, which are in the door.
8. The ADHD tax
The late fee on the bill you paid in your head. The free trial that became a paid year. The library book that now costs more than the book. The third phone charger you bought because the first two are definitely in this house, somewhere, living their best lives.
9. “You’re so smart, if you’d just apply yourself”
A lot of us got some version of this on every report card. I was in ESL as a kid and worked twice as hard to be an average student, so I know how it lands when you’re already trying your hardest. It’s a strange compliment. It tells you that you have the engine and blames you for the steering.
10. Chores go faster with a witness
The dishes have been sitting there for two days. Then a friend calls on FaceTime. You prop the phone on the counter and suddenly the kitchen is spotless. Turns out all you needed was an audience. Some of us are performers all the way down.
11. Interrupting because the thought has an expiration date
You’re not trying to cut anybody off. The thought showed up, and you know from experience it will be gone in four seconds. So you blurt it out and apologize. Then you forget what they were saying. Everybody loses. But the thought got out.
12. “Wait, what was I saying?”
Halfway through a story, you take a side road, then another side road, and now you’re in a different state with no map. Somebody kind says “you were talking about your cousin.” You were? Which cousin? You have nine.
13. Hearing your exact brain described in a joke
This one is the best one. Somebody on a stage describes the thing you thought only you did, and the whole room laughs at the same time. Strangers. Laughing at the same tiny thing. That’s when you find out it was never just you.
Does everyone with ADHD relate to all 13?
Nope, and that’s fine. ADHD looks different from one person to the next. Some of you read number 6 and felt personally attacked. Others read number 7 and went, “Who checks the stove?” Both are allowed. Nobody is handing out a score.
And please don’t use this list as a quiz. A funny list can make you feel seen. A list can’t tell you what’s going on in your own head. This is comedy, not medical advice. If you think you might have ADHD, talk to a clinician you trust.
Why do these jokes land so hard?
Because they’re specific. Nobody laughs at “people with ADHD are forgetful.” That’s a description. People laugh at the butter. They laugh at the phone ringing in your own hand, because they’ve done it, and nobody ever said it out loud before.
That’s a big part of why I open my shows with “Where my ADHD people at?” The question gets the room to admit something together. After that, every joke is a little bit of an inside joke.
Can I share this list with my family?
Please do. Send it to the relative who says everybody is “a little ADHD these days.” Send it to the friend who does all thirteen and swears they do none. Then sit back and watch them count.
If you want the live version, see tour dates. Buy the ticket now. You know what happens to tabs.